all roads lead me back to the coast

This was about a year after I first stumbled upon Windansea beach. 
I have this thought that keeps nagging at me louder and louder and louder.
I know what I need to do.
Now it's just a matter of being brave enough to do it.


Put butter on the darker side of toast. 
Possibly the wisest thing I’ve learned this year.

The Count

The measure of fifteen minutes is entirely different for a man in step than for a man with nothing to do.

The Grand Canyon

I talked my self into and out of this road trip so many times I lost count. But I finally did it! I went to the Grand Canyon.

The majority of January-May was spent in San Diego and it felt sooo good to be back to "living" back in southern California. That's home to me. However I was kind of one foot there and one foot still in Utah for a handful of reasons and I ended up driving back and forth about every 2 weeks. I could do that 700 mile drive on I-15 with my eyes closed at this point. It made the most sense to take a detour and hit up the South Rim of the Grand Canyon on one of these drives but I kept putting it off ("I'll do it next time, I just wanna get to my destination ASAP this time...") but my deadline of having to say goodbye to my second home in Oceanside finally approached and it was on my last drive back to Utah that I finally made it happen. 

That drive. is so. long. It didn't look that far out of the way on the map but yeah... it is. Piper kept me company and made friends with everyone we met. I'm glad I did it and it was definitely bucket list worthy. 

In a nutshell: it was pretty grand. 

Updated: Bucket List


I recently learned how to roller skate. Which wasn't on my bucket list, but it should have been. The last one I wrote was almost 4 years ago. Time for an update.
  • Build a business that will allow me to prioritize family, travel and never worry about finances
  • See the northern lights
  • Spend a day on Catalina Island
  • Live somewhere international
  • Visit Chichen Itza 
  • Go sailing
  • Speak French conversationally
  • Drive the Pacific Coast Highway from Port Angeles, WA to San Diego, CA
  • Go to all 50 states
  • Walk on the black beaches in Iceland
  • Make my future kids mow the lawn (the ultimate karma)
  • Read all of the books on my never ending read list
  • Go surfing
  • See a show at the Magic Castle
  • Present one of those giant checks to someone
  • Break my Hawaiian curse
  • Walk on the Great Wall of China
  • Visit the Holy Land
  • Live in a very small town where everyone knows everyone
  • Visit J&M in Italy while they live there
  • See a Broadway show in NYC
  • Run a full marathon without getting bored
  • Be brave enough to skydive
  • Go skinny dipping
  • Own a home with a yard
  • Get Piper fully trained off-leash
  • Renovate an old cabin
  • See the Grand Canyon Done! 5.26.19
  • Blog all of my travels
  • Get comfortable with studio photography


Easily the best decision I’ve ever made. 

eighteen months
call this a premonition

In case you were wondering:

Circumstances change. 
Priorities change.
Goals change. 
People change.
I've changed.
I do not have any current plans to return to LA.
This still surprises me, but it's true.
I guess I was more burned out than I realized.
I really miss the environment of being on set.
I do not miss wondering when the next job would come.
I learned to like winter except driving in it.
I'd rather slow down.
I'd rather put down roots.
I'd rather have the peace of mind that comes from predictable stability.
But I still wish I had a campervan to roam around in.
I loved the kids but holy moly do elementary teachers have it rotten. It's not just the money.
I took a risk and started a business.
Clocking in and out is not important to me.
Being flexible with my time is important to me.
Being creative with my work is important to me.
Being there for my family is important to me.
I am what you would call an extroverted introvert.
I'm not shy and I like being social but it zaps the energy out of me.
I can take charge if I need to.
Otherwise, I'm content to lend support.
I do not need or want all eyes on me.
My social media reflects this I suppose. 
I struggle to post anything too personal but my work account is very public out of necessity.
Does this mean I compartmentalize?
Is that a good or a bad thing?
I'm ok with quiet.
I think it's good to just sit and think once in a while.
Action has consequence but so does inaction.
I fell in love once. 
And for me, it was very real.
It was unexpected and happened very fast and the timing did not make sense.
I was in the middle of some big life changes.
Not exactly easy to proceed with a clear mind.
Not exactly easy to present a clear vision of "this is who I am."
I went forward with faith and an open heart and hoped for the best.
In the end I experienced incomprehensible heartbreak.
They say that's just life, but wow is it really a necessary part of the human experience?
I am not comfortable knowing that loving a person gives them the power to break you.
It's not fair that it doesn't matter how much strength and independence existed before.
Yet I could never bring myself to be angry. 
And that's how I know that it was real.
I ran away to Europe for a while, it helped until it didn't.
When I was a kid I wanted to be a lawyer and thankfully that didn't pan out.
I believe in second chances, mercy, forgiveness and allowing time to grow and settle.
I have a hard time with black & white justice. Motive and actions are gray.
I observe more than I let on, and I usually remember.
It's too easy for me to see twelve sides to every situation.
But when I have an opinion, I have an opinion.
I think Edward Snowdon should be allowed home.
I appreciate Kanye's talent but what a jerk.
I might actually understand Shia LaBeouf's interpretation of performance art.
Pretty sure Josh Radnor is the wisest man that I do not know. 
I am not a fan of singles wards post-college. 
I do not have a lot of  respect for our current political situation.
I'm not a Democrat, but I'm definitely not a Republican. 
I'm not 5'7" and I'm not 5'8". I'm 5'7.5" but that's never an option and I always feel like I'm lying.
I don't like being cold but I do because I can dress in layers. It's more cozy.
I wish I had more outdoorsy friends because everyone else is indoorsy.
I had a traumatizing Microsoft experience so no thanks, never again, I'd rather go analog.
I prefer to write in cursive with a Zebra pen.
My bucket list has drastically changed, I should update that. 
I don't like eating right after waking up. I'm more brunch than breakfast.
I am more organized than not.
But making the bed is the worst grown-up chore.
I want to read everything and there is never enough time.
I try really hard to keep my gmail inbox zero. Do it, archive, next.
I moved out when I was 18 and didn't look back for 10 years.
I moved home at 28 because I missed having a real home.
Turns out that move saved a life.
Turns out that move prolonged a marriage.
Turns out that move gave me the financial freedom to start my business.
Turns out that move allowed me to help out in a couple medical situations.
Turns out I have no freakin care in the world about keeping up millennial appearances.
Turns out that move gave me a fenced in backyard.
I think MoviePass was made for me, but then I got a dog.
I've wanted a dog I could hike and run with for ages and now with said yard...
I found a cow-dog that needed a home on KSL but someone else got to it first. 
Google told me people who like German Shorthaired Pointers also consider Vizslas.
A Norwegian dog named Tikken sealed the deal.
Three months later I named my puppy Piper after a kid in my Dad's nursery class. 
She sleeps on my bed. Probably shouldn't, but those snuggles.
I don't know what's next and I'm ok with that. 
For once, I'm happy building up what I have now instead of overreaching for the future.
Is that what they mean by being present?
By the way, 
In case you were wondering,
I can see who has been looking at this blog that I never write in. 
Yes, even you.


So so happy this was finally recorded. 

 In April 2013 I saw this performed live and it was magic. Sufjan Stevens, Bryce Dessner (The National) and Nico Muhly played songs about the planets and other solar wonders with the LA Philharmonic at the Disney Concert Hall. They projected lasers and space art on a giant planet above the stage while they played. I've never been more mesmerized at a show.

Butterbeer and Bowtruckles

"Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect."
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